fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
