I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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