I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
