He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is Oprah even human
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
