Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
