Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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