these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
