i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
