Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
