Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.

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(949): View more from California

Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.

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(317): View more from Indiana

On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.

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(660): View more from Missouri

What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...

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(415): View more from California

Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.

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(376): View more from

Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?

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(847): View more from Illinois

So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.

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