I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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