She is in my trunk
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
