Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
