u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
