listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
