All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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