I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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