I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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