the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
