omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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