Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
