you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
