Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
