Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
