I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
