The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
