I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
