fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
