Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it glows. i had to have it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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