Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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