Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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