Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
