So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
