we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
