Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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