So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
