I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize