does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
