so let's talk penis.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize