I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
3pm strippers are depressing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
