At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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