But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
