apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Acid is not a monday night drug
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
