We got so high we made milksteak
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
