Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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