I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
