The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
