she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
