My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
