T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
