My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
