You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
