Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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