Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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