I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
