failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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