Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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