Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
