dude i'm inner monologue high
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
