Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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