"it" just moved
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
