the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
