2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize