Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
