i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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