you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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