i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
