Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
