I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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