Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
