I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
