That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
