it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
