Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
