all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
