Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
