why didn't you poke me back
My first STD was from a foam party
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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