Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need a beard to bite.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
