I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
