i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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