what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
