My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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