My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
