Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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