So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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