remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
