You smell like stripper and shame
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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