Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
