i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
