Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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