Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
