Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
