So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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