Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
