Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
