i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
