He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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