"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
