i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
