dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize