yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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