i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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