dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
