return my video game
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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