He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
