why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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