idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
