i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
