i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
