direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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