I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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