U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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