no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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