So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
